Notes on Dating

http://www.alabasterboxblog.com/2008/01/14/a-heart-hidden-in-christ-2/

My sister shared this post with me during exams. It's basically about how girls should seek rest in Christ alone and not long for refuge in something or someone else. Because if it's in God's will, we will be found.

If I can speak on behalf of most girls, then I would say that yes, most Girls do want to find a companion. Boyfriends come in particularly useful after grocery shopping and also in the case of heavy lifting (esp since coop involves so much moving in and out). Yes, indeed, every girl longs for that romantic date, a person to share all her trouble and worries with, a guy whom she can cook for (make him the guinea-pig/ cause him to have diarrhea/food poisoning without getting blamed).

Haha...I would love to have one myself! SCANDALOUS!

My sister and I were also watching a sermon by Mark Driscoll from Mars Hill Church on dating.

http://www.marshillchurch.org/media/religionsaves/dating

God, first, is the source of love and life. Based on Driscoll, There are 4 different ways to have a relationship: prearranged marriage, courtship, non christian dating and christian dating.

1. Prearranged marriage
Common in the OT, works for some, but I don't think it'll work for me.

Jeremiah 29
4 This is what the LORD Almighty, the God of Israel, says to all those I carried into exile from Jerusalem to Babylon: 5 "Build houses and settle down; plant gardens and eat what they produce. 6 Marry and have sons and daughters; find wives for your sons and give your daughters in marriage, so that they too may have sons and daughters. Increase in number there; do not decrease. 7 Also, seek the peace and prosperity of the city to which I have carried you into exile. Pray to the LORD for it, because if it prospers, you too will prosper." 8 Yes, this is what the LORD Almighty, the God of Israel, says: "Do not let the prophets and diviners among you deceive you. Do not listen to the dreams you encourage them to have. 9 They are prophesying lies to you in my name. I have not sent them," declares the LORD.

2. Courtship
Basically the ladies' family courting the boyfriend at the same time as the girl.

3. Non Christian Dating: NA

4. Christian Dating

1 Corinthians 7
Marriage
1Now for the matters you wrote about: It is good for a man not to marry.[a] 2But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband. 3The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. 5Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 6I say this as a concession, not as a command. 7I wish that all men were as I am. But each man has his own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that.
8Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. 9But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.
10To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. 11But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.
12To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. 13And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. 14For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.
15But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. 16How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?
17Nevertheless, each one should retain the place in life that the Lord assigned to him and to which God has called him. This is the rule I lay down in all the churches. 18Was a man already circumcised when he was called? He should not become uncircumcised. Was a man uncircumcised when he was called? He should not be circumcised. 19Circumcision is nothing and uncircumcision is nothing. Keeping God's commands is what counts. 20Each one should remain in the situation which he was in when God called him. 21Were you a slave when you were called? Don't let it trouble you—although if you can gain your freedom, do so. 22For he who was a slave when he was called by the Lord is the Lord's freedman; similarly, he who was a free man when he was called is Christ's slave. 23You were bought at a price; do not become slaves of men. 24Brothers, each man, as responsible to God, should remain in the situation God called him to.
25Now about virgins: I have no command from the Lord, but I give a judgment as one who by the Lord's mercy is trustworthy. 26Because of the present crisis, I think that it is good for you to remain as you are. 27Are you married? Do not seek a divorce. Are you unmarried? Do not look for a wife. 28But if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this.
29What I mean, brothers, is that the time is short. From now on those who have wives should live as if they had none; 30those who mourn, as if they did not; those who are happy, as if they were not; those who buy something, as if it were not theirs to keep; 31those who use the things of the world, as if not engrossed in them. For this world in its present form is passing away.
32I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord's affairs—how he can please the Lord. 33But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife— 34and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord's affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. 35I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.
36If anyone thinks he is acting improperly toward the virgin he is engaged to, and if she is getting along in years and he feels he ought to marry, he should do as he wants. He is not sinning. They should get married. 37But the man who has settled the matter in his own mind, who is under no compulsion but has control over his own will, and who has made up his mind not to marry the virgin—this man also does the right thing. 38So then, he who marries the virgin does right, but he who does not marry her does even better.[b]
39A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord. 40In my judgment, she is happier if she stays as she is—and I think that I too have the Spirit of God.

-Christian couples have to have the same doctrinal convictions…type of church that you would like to attend.
-Only invest a relationship in someone whom you are attracted to: physical, mental
You’ll have to look at them for a long time. Does he/her have a strange quirky laugh that would annoy u?
-Spiritual connection, hobbies! Same interest? Same values (family, values)
-Godly woman has a lot of relationships around her, friends, family, community, know her world. Earning the favour of those who love her?
-Is she modest? Is this the type of wife I want to spend my life with? The man has to be the head? Will she follow you as the leader of the family? Can you lead her? Is she too smart for you?

Proverbs 31
Epilogue: The Wife of Noble Character
10 [c] A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
11 Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
12 She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.
13 She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.
14 She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.
15 She gets up while it is still dark;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her servant girls.
16 She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
17 She sets about her work vigorously;
her arms are strong for her tasks.
18 She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.
19 In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
20 She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.
21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
22 She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.
25 She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
26 She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
27 She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
29 "Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all."
30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
31 Give her the reward she has earned,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

-Is she making me more Holy?
-Can you provide for her the life that she expects?
-When it gets tough, is the guy going to take care of the family? When the load is heavy, the guy must carry the load.
-Is he considerate and gentle with me?
-Will he be a good father? Does he love kids? Does he want to be a daddy? Is he a one woman man?

Job 31
1 "I made a covenant with my eyes
not to look lustfully at a girl.

-How valuable are you to him? Would he die for you gladly?
-Do you want your sons to be like him? Do you want your daughters to marry someone like him?

Honour God in your relationship!

For me, I don't think i have the gift to be single. I want to have kids in the future =) and build tree houses for them.

But my position now is

Proverbs 4:23
23 Above all else, guard your heart,
for it is the wellspring of life.

God is a jealous God. Right now, I know that I only have time for God. If it's even a struggle for me now to place God in the centre of my life, how more so difficult it would be if I have someone else to think about.

So I'm warning: stay away from me (not that there's anyone pursuing me =P). Even though I may want one, I'm not ready for a relationship.

P.S. No, brothers, i don't mean that you should stop talking to me. I still love talking to you guys =D since i don't have any biological brothers of my own, just treat me as your 妹妹 or 姐姐 ...HAHA