the gentle beckoning

I repented in 2012 from a long time of half-heartedness and of seeking idols in my life. I remember the quick prayer I made after repenting, asking God to help me use my time well since I had more time while on work term in Windsor and so I would not be idle and using the time to continue seeking idols. So quickly God answered this prayer (!) by bringing me to a place of learning to love Him by teaching high-schoolers about Him. Then came the time for me to return to Waterloo and I asked the Lord what He would want me to do and he brought me to serve as program coordinator for my fellowship to substitute for someone on work term. It was not without doubts or struggles in faith, but I was eased into serving in committee in many ways. Then came the end of term and I was asked to consider serving as devotional leader (DL) for winter term. I wasn’t sure. My sister told me I didn’t have the gift of teaching which I felt so myself. I wanted confirmation on my decision to serve as DL. One prayer meeting, I remember asking people to pray for me about this and a brother prayed that God is able to multiply the five fish and the two loaves of bread. I remembered too how God had been so merciful and kind to me, and it seemed like in many ways he had prepared me for the role of serving Him as DL through my experience of teaching in summer and being exposed to committee in fall. Then I heard the song “One Pure and Holy Passion” and recognised that I would also as the lyrics say, “grow as your disciple in the truth (word)” and “Lead Me on and I will run after you” that I simply needed to follow God’s leading. I was relieved after making the decision, but waiting to hear what God wanted me to share about Himself to His people. It wasn’t entirely but I did seem to try to read a lot hoping that God will reveal something new to me that I would have something to say. And then I also prayed with an expectation to learn a lot at the Onething Conference in Kansas City for the same purposes. But this is what I realised through a song

“It’s not about my ministry or the fruits I do or do not see, It’s about You and me”

I was reminded that at the end of it all, it really didn’t matter so much as to what I was doing, how I was doing, but how I was to God and how He is to me!

AND God gave me more!

At Onething, they had a prophesy room where we simply gave our names and then we would be prophesied over.  The prophesy given to me spoke so clearly

Prophesy 1

The prophesy I received was that I see myself as someone in the background, not out there where everybody looks at me and sees me. But the Lord sees me as someone on the stage, and celebrates me for who I am. He sees my humility and also my value and worth and that I am worth something to Him. The Lord is calling me out that I have things to say to people, that He has put within me wisdom and understanding that people don’t know is there, He is calling me out and wants to use me as a voice and someone who will speak things to his people.  And it will require courage but He will give me courage because the words I speak will not be my own words but will be the Lord’s words.

The scripture in Song of Solomon 2:14 was given to me

14 O my dove, in the clefts of the rock,
    in the crannies of the cliff,
let me see your face,
    let me hear your voice,
for your voice is sweet,
    and your face is lovely.

God sees me in the secret place, but He is calling me out from behind the cliff, And He is saying come with me, I want to hear your voice, your voice is lovely and it is sweet to me. And He wants to use me in that way.

Prophesy 2

I see joy in you, you can just be happy. It’s a gift, you can just be happy, The Lord put his smile in your heart. The Scripture given was Nehemiah 8

10  for this day is holy to our Lord. And do not be grieved, for the joy of the Lord is your strength.”

The joy of the Lord is my strength which will sustain me. Often we feel like we need to be happy in the Lord so we can be strong so we start to produce the joy from ourselves. But instead, the Lord is turning around to say that He has so much joy in me that if I knew how happy God is with me, then I’ll be really strong and continue. That’s when I’m really strong, when I know how much the Lord delights in me and when He looks at me He smiles. And when I can feel His smile in my heart then I’ll be strong and be able to go through life with that strength.  

I was so thankful the words from God spoken through prophesy (at least the first one). How real and near God is and how He understands the encouragement a feeble heart needs! He knew I’d rather go about doing behind-the scenes stuff then going in front of a crowd and having to speak in front of some hundred people. But O God, if that is what You want, I’d do it. I’d do it! I’ll do it with Your words, Your strength, Your power! I am so thankful I recorded the prophesy too, because I know I’ll be able to swipe it out if/when I fall into my humanly doubts and fears and to be able to just remember how good God is! For the second one, I don’t know, I kindof laugh at it because I don’t imagine myself generally as a happy person. It’s true we are always seeking for joy. The salvation that has come to us is certainly worthy of rejoicing and that it brings us great joy that God is sovereign, great and good. There is truth also that there can be great joy in knowing that God delights in our obedience, in our following Him, in us when we bring Him glory! The drive and desire to bless God and please Him can be the strength that sustains us.  

AND God gave me more!

Onething is organised by the International House of Prayer which is a church big on worship and prayer. So they had a prayer room where there was worship music. All the times I passed by the room it was very loud music so I didn’t go in. But the day after I was prophesied over on the last day of the conference, I decided to go in to experience it and when I went, it was soft music that was helpful (to me) in thinking about God.

There they sang Laura Hackett’s “Leaning on Jesus”

I have a testimony about Jesus [Be confident, take our self-consciousness off ourselves

I’ll take joy in the Lord, it’s time to tell the good news]

He carries me through my worst storms

I’ll only call on Jesus

I’m leaning on his everlasting arms

Indeed! How God has come through for me even in the small scope of my world. In my worst course last term (most challenging in my undergrad so far) He definitely heard my desperate call and allowed me to cling onto Him as my rock, giving me such a good grade in the end that first makes me speechless and then all I can say is “Hallelujah!” God has given me a testimony! Also thankful for just keeping my grades even slightly above my average for other terms when I wasn’t serving committee (so now my parents don’t have to worry that my grades would be affected by other things I’m doing, see God will take care of it!!)

Their next worship song was another affirmation from God based on Song of Solomon 2:8-13

Song of Solomon 2

 10 My beloved speaks and says to me:
“Arise, my love, my beautiful one,
    and come away,
11 for behold, the winter is past;
    the rain is over and gone.
12 The flowers appear on the earth,
    the time of singing[d] has come,
and the voice of the turtledove
    is heard in our land.
13 The fig tree ripens its figs,
    and the vines are in blossom;
    they give forth fragrance.
Arise, my love, my beautiful one,
    and come away.

Come away with me

You know my voice

I want to show you new dimensions of who I am

For you to want all of me

Arise, follow me

Come away with me, my fair one

I want to show you my glory

I’m giving you all you need

You don’t need to fear or be afraid

Though you haven’t always been faithful

I will make a way for you

I want to see your face

No one can sing of me but you

Arise my love, come with me

I beckon you, I will join you

I invite you to run with me

I want you to run with me

Declare of me to all the peoples

Trust in my leadership

I desire more of your heart

You are my inheritance

I have so much to give you

The way is difficult, narrow and hard at times

But I have made a way

I’ll present you full

I am the one who wills you to want and do all things

Come away

Arise

Leave your fears behind

Even to the ends of the earth

To the end of the age

I & my Father will come

My peace I give to you

Not as the world gives to you

Arise, My love

Leave your fears behind

Come and follow after me

There is so much in my heart

I want your hands

I want your feet

I want your mouth to speak

I want you

Not your neighbour, not your brother, not your sister

I will give you grace

I will give you a steadfast heart

Simply follow me

I will lead you in the way of everlasting

How crazy how the words that were sung spoke so near to my heart!  

Indeed, the time of cold winter and weeping rain had come to pass for me. Now was the joy in the morning, a time of singing and praising. I was reminded of Psalm 40

Psalm 40

My Help and My Deliverer

To the choirmaster. A Psalm of David.

40 I waited patiently for the Lord;
    he inclined to me and heard my cry.
2 He drew me up from the pit of destruction,
    out of the miry bog,
and set my feet upon a rock,
    making my steps secure.
3 He put a new song in my mouth,
    a song of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear,
    and put their trust in the Lord.

4 Blessed is the man who makes
    the Lord his trust,
who does not turn to the proud,
    to those who go astray after a lie!
5 You have multiplied, O Lord my God,
    your wondrous deeds and your thoughts toward us;
    none can compare with you!
I will proclaim and tell of them,
    yet they are more than can be told.

6 In sacrifice and offering you have not delighted,
    but you have given me an open ear.[a]
Burnt offering and sin offering
    you have not required.
7 Then I said, “Behold, I have come;
    in the scroll of the book it is written of me:
8 I delight to do your will, O my God;
    your law is within my heart.”

9 I have told the glad news of deliverance[b]
    in the great congregation;
behold, I have not restrained my lips,
    as you know, O Lord.
10 I have not hidden your deliverance within my heart;
    I have spoken of your faithfulness and your salvation;
I have not concealed your steadfast love and your faithfulness
    from the great congregation.

God has surely put a new song in me; He has multiplied and blessed me so much!

Thank you Jesus!

So tender the beckoning

So gentle the calling

So comforting the sound

How can I deny such clarity?

The reassurances of the Lord are great!

Just as the sheep follows the voice of the shepherd

I want to follow you like a dove following the one thing its eyes can see

Just to love You, Lord

Just to love You
Just to love You