Mark 2a and others

The paralytic and his friends made an opening in the roof to get to Jesus. It is that bizarre. Sometimes, even when the bible is opened, the reverence, the appreciation and the desperation is sorely lacking.

What makes one desperate to seek God? It is because of something as radical as "going through the roof" that "When Jesus saw their faith, he said to the paralytic, "Son, your sins are forgiven."

This is amazing. It is. But why don't I feel it or why am I not in awe?

Am I living like my sins are forgiven? Or am I even seeking to have them forgiven? It is encouraging to know that Jesus called Levi first.

And Levi followed.

I should listen. It is time to put an end to being indulgent and ignoring the Holy Spirit. When I say I love food too much, people just laugh and agree that food is good. Or they just tease me, shake their head, or say I eat too much. Everyone agrees that it is good in moderation or else well, just go to the gym...but that's not the point. When it becomes an addiction and beyond self control, it doesn't matter whether circumstances afford, when sales happen "once in a blue moon", when good food just happens to be around. It's quite hilarious but not even a joke. It is a strange sin...not that it didn't have a history nor updated version in today's world. But a sin is a sin, it shouldn't just be sidelined.

I shouldn't not love food. Food talks are interesting. Cooking and baking is fun. Sometimes, it's feels like I should purge the stuff that I eat (not bulimia) and scrub myself clean with hyssop. Other times it feels like I'm still young and have a high metabolism. Sometimes it seems like my over-indulgence is a stark insult to those barely surviving. Others times, i remember that food production is not the problem, it's the distribution. It is a blessing from God; it is a gift that I shouldn't pervert.

Such a messy battle. It is hard to repent for something that is so regular but uncommon, so contemporary but traditional, so trivial yet so vital. I shouldn't defile the dwelling place of the Holy Spirit. For I am not my own but bought with a price.

It's so confusing. Lord, straighten it out please.

I love food. It shouldn't be something that I hate as well.