Something bothers me everyday. I don't know why I must deal with it or how long I'll have to. I hope it goes away.
If God wants me to be loving and to follow his commands, shouldn't He help me to overcome the wretchedness in my mind? Is this a reminder of how evil and how narrow-minded I am?
No outbursts, no shouting, just the clinging dreadfulness like that of a migraine.
I know I shouldn't be like that. It disturbs me so. How long must I endure with this? I feel like a hypocrite.
If You want your will to be done, take this away from me.
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To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. - 2 Cor 12
I'm sure you're familiar with this passage. I think this is something that all Christians struggle with. Everyone wants to be God-centred...but can't seem to bring themselves to be. Too busy for this. Too busy for that. I remember complaining to God that why could He just make me smarter or healthier or more focused? I could serve Him so much better. And the only things I got in response was that passage. So I guess, where we're standing, we're in His will.
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